How to Support a Loved One with OCD: Understanding What to Say and What to Avoid

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a complex mental health condition that affects millions of people. It can be challenging to understand if you've never experienced it yourself, and even more difficult to know how to offer the right support to a friend or family member who has it. While you may want to help, knowing what to say—and what not to say—can make a significant difference in how your loved one feels about your support.

In this article, we will guide you through some common phrases that can unintentionally harm someone with OCD and offer suggestions on how to be a more supportive ally. If you are seeking help for OCD treatment for yourself or a loved one, this advice could be a valuable resource to start fostering better communication and empathy.

What Is OCD? Understanding the Disorder Before Offering Help

Before diving into how to support someone with OCD, it’s crucial to understand the disorder itself. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a chronic mental health condition characterized by obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are unwanted, intrusive thoughts that cause anxiety, while compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that individuals perform to reduce their anxiety or prevent a feared event.

For example, someone with OCD might have an obsessive fear of contamination, leading them to compulsively wash their hands until their skin becomes raw. The key to understanding OCD is recognizing that these behaviors are not voluntary. They stem from intense, often uncontrollable urges that the person feels driven to act on.

Unfortunately, many people who don't have OCD minimize the condition or misunderstand its complexities, which can make it difficult for sufferers to feel validated and supported.

Common Symptoms of OCD

• Intrusive thoughts: Unwanted, repetitive thoughts that create distress.
• Compulsive behaviors: Repetitive actions performed to neutralize or reduce distress caused by obsessions.
• Perfectionism: A need for things to be "just right" or symmetrical.
• Fear of contamination: Obsessions about germs, leading to excessive cleaning.

Now that you understand a bit more about what OCD is, let's look at how to offer the right kind of support.

Phrases to Avoid When Talking to Someone with OCD

Even with the best of intentions, some well-meaning comments can feel dismissive or invalidating to someone with OCD. Knowing what not to say is just as important as knowing what to say.

1. "Relax" or "Just Stop Worrying"

One of the most common, yet unhelpful, responses to someone with OCD is to tell them to "relax" or "just stop worrying." For people without OCD, it might seem like their fears or behaviors are irrational, and therefore easy to dismiss. But for those with OCD, the anxiety that comes with obsessive thoughts is very real and overwhelming.

Telling someone to relax not only minimizes their experience but can also make them feel as though their struggles are being ignored. It implies that they have control over their obsessions and compulsions when, in reality, OCD is a condition that requires professional treatment and support.

What to Say Instead:

• "I understand that this is really hard for you."
• "I’m here for you, no matter what you're going through."

Offering empathy, rather than judgment, will help your loved one feel understood and supported.

2. "I’m So OCD About That!"

Another phrase you’ll want to avoid is saying "I’m so OCD!" casually in conversations about being neat, organized, or particular. This expression is often used in a lighthearted or joking way, which can trivialize the very serious struggles that come with having OCD.

OCD is not about being tidy or wanting things to be in a certain order. It’s a debilitating condition that involves unwanted and intrusive thoughts that drive compulsive behaviors. Minimizing the disorder by using it to describe everyday preferences can feel dismissive to someone who genuinely suffers from OCD.

What to Say Instead:

• "I didn’t realize how much more there is to OCD than what people often talk about."
• "It must be really difficult dealing with those thoughts. I’m here to listen."

Taking the time to understand OCD beyond the stereotypes can help foster a more compassionate dialogue.

3. "I Thought You Were Over That"

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a chronic condition, meaning that while symptoms may improve with treatment, it doesn't simply go away. For some, the symptoms may wax and wane over time, but there is always the possibility of recurrence. Telling someone with OCD, "I thought you were over that," can be dismissive and suggest that their experience isn’t ongoing.

OCD often requires long-term treatment through therapy, medications, or a combination of both. Even when someone seems to be doing better, they may still be managing their symptoms daily. It’s essential to recognize the lifelong nature of the disorder.

What to Say Instead:

• "I know OCD is something you’re working on every day. I admire your strength."
• "How can I support you during difficult times?"

By acknowledging their continuous effort, you can show your loved one that you respect their journey toward managing OCD.

How to Support a Loved One with OCD

Now that you know some common phrases to avoid, let’s explore ways you can provide meaningful support to someone with OCD. Whether through emotional support or helping them seek professional care, your actions can make a huge difference in their mental health journey.

1. Educate Yourself About OCD

One of the most supportive things you can do is educate yourself about OCD. The more you understand about the disorder, the better equipped you'll be to empathize with your loved one’s experiences. There are many resources available online, such as articles, books, and videos, that delve into the intricacies of OCD, including its causes, symptoms, and treatment options.

By educating yourself, you’ll be less likely to make uninformed comments and more prepared to offer constructive help.

2. Encourage Professional Treatment

OCD is a disorder that often requires professional intervention, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), exposure and response prevention (ERP), or medication. If your loved one is struggling to manage their symptoms, encourage them to seek help from a mental health professional. Let them know that there is no shame in seeking therapy, and that treatment can make a significant difference in their quality of life.

3. Offer Practical Support

Practical support can also go a long way. For example, you might offer to help with daily tasks that become overwhelming due to OCD symptoms, or simply be a listening ear when your loved one needs to talk. The key is to be present without trying to "fix" their condition.

4. Be Patient and Compassionate

Patience is crucial when supporting someone with OCD. Recovery from OCD symptoms can take time, and there may be setbacks along the way. Rather than expressing frustration, continue offering compassionate support. Knowing they have someone they can rely on will make your loved one feel less alone in their struggle.

Seeking Professional Help for OCD Treatment

If you or someone you love is struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder, it’s important to seek professional help. OCD can be effectively managed with the right treatment plan, which often includes therapy, medication, or a combination of both.

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Response Prevention (ERP)

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is one of the most effective treatments for OCD, particularly a technique called Exposure Response Prevention (ERP). This involves gradually exposing the individual to the source of their obsessions in a controlled environment, without allowing them to engage in their compulsions. Over time, ERP helps reduce the anxiety associated with obsessive thoughts.

2. Medication

In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage OCD symptoms. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly used to treat OCD and can help reduce the frequency and intensity of obsessive-compulsive behaviors.

3. Finding the Right Therapist

If you're seeking help for yourself or a loved one, it’s essential to find a therapist with experience in treating OCD. Not all mental health professionals specialize in this area, so be sure to ask about their experience with OCD treatment when scheduling an appointment.

All of our therapists here at Inner Strength Therapy offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. Please reach out today by calling (513) 866-7333 or email us at connect@innerstrengththerapyllc.com.